If you read any relationship book, talk to any counselor, or listen to literally anyone about relationships- sex is the key factor. You can try to slice it any way you want, but at the end of the day, sex separates your partner from any other relationship you have.
Ladies, if your hormones are optimally balanced, you will jump your husband’s bones daily. If your husband’s hormones are also balanced- he has five times the testosterone you have. The problem is that MANY women’s hormones need to be balanced. My hormone clinic wanted me at 250. I was at 27 when I was tested after I was done breastfeeding my son. My husband’s hormones were fine. Which means he had 60 times, literally, the testosterone I had.
If you don’t follow me on social media, you might not realize this, but my husband is a Greek God. No, seriously, He is built like Zeus. There’s no reason I shouldn’t have been attracted to him. But I wasn’t, which is where my HRT journey comes in (beginning in August 2022). You can read all about that over here.
I’m sure many of you are also here because you take oyster pills and want your sex life better with your new libido. You can read about them here if you aren’t familiar!
I preface all of that by saying this- if your hormones are not regulated, you may still see some benefits from pilates and pelvic floor PT in terms of sexual pleasure, but it won’t be the end all be all. EVERYTHING has to work together.
This brings me to the actual point of this blog- how pelvic floor PT and Pilates saved my marriage.
HRT, oyster pills, and balancing my hormones make me lust for my husband in ways I never did when we first started dating. It’s better than the last stage at the beginning of a relationship. That’s the ignition. Pilates and pelvic floor PT have made our sex the best. When I tell you the orgasms are stronger, longer, more frequent, more intense, etc- I mean it. And it’s all thanks to what I have learned.
I started going to pelvic floor PT after my daughter was born in August 2020. I had a vaginal birth and tore, it wasn’t too bad, but I did develop quite a bit of internal scarring. It exceeded the “6 weeks, and you’re good” appointment. Whenever we tried to have sex, it felt like knives were shoved inside me from all angles. I thought it would improve, but my OB said it would, so why wouldn’t I believe them? It wasn’t until six months after having Oakley that I finally said something to my chiropractor. He suggested I see a physical therapist to see if they can do anything. After a few appointments and only external exams, she referred me to a pelvic floor physiotherapist.
I started going when I was about eight months PP with Oakley, and then I got pregnant with our son when I was ten months postpartum. I could go to a few sessions before I had to pause PT until I was in my second trimester. I went once a month until I gave birth in March 2022. I started back up a few weeks postpartum with my son and continued going for an additional seven months after that—roughly 15 sessions.
My husband is 6’3 and built like a statue. I don’t want to share too many details, but the man is gifted in many areas. Due to the nature of my scar tissue, the size of Josh, the timing of my second pregnancy, and how bad the pain was, it took over 1.5 years of internal and external work to heal the scar tissue damage. I, like many women, have been brainwashed to think that the only thing we need to do is tighten our pelvic floor (Kegels). For some women, this is true. Most of us need to work on RELAXING the pelvic floor as we are in a constant state of tension. We also worked on cues for this during my sessions, and I spent 15-20 minutes a day of conscious breath work on top of working on it every time I lifted.
We also worked on different exercises, breathing techniques, cues, and stretches to help close my diastasis, reduce my lower back pain, and fix my hip and posture imbalances.
Pelvic floor PT is not just reserved for women who have given birth. Everyone, including men, has a pelvic floor. If you are experiencing any of these issues, I highly suggest finding someone in your area to help:
- leaking urine when coughing, sneezing, laughing, or running
- failing to reach the toilet in time
- passing wind from either the anus or vagina when bending over or lifting
- reduced sensation in the vagina
- tampons that dislodge or fall out
- a distinct bulge at the vaginal opening
- a sensation of heaviness in the vagina
- a heaviness or dragging in the pelvis or back
- recurrent urinary tract infections, or recurrent thrush
- vulval pain, pain with sex, inability to orgasm
In January 2023, I began one on one Pilates. Sex was becoming way less painful thanks to PT, but my core felt unstable, and I was still getting some coning while doing core work. I also didn’t feel like I was engaging my core correctly (I have a very short torso, and my pregnancies caused an upper rib flare). Pilates changed my life. I have also been highly self-conscious of my stomach, even before pregnancy.
I did six one-on-ones before beginning reformer pilates. I was taught how to shift my ribs and hips to keep my core tight during all my lifts, fix my rib flare, and have the strongest core I’ve ever had (I have an eight-pack now when I am lean). Now- thanks to pelvic floor cues- I have the best orgasms of my life (my pilates instructor also does NKT with Josh, so she always hears about this).
Practicing what I learned in PT and Pilates throughout the day, when I am lifting, and during sex has taken our sex life to a whole different level. Ladies- there’s no reason that you shouldn’t be having the best orgasms with your partner. Learning to RELAX the pelvic floor will heighten your orgasms to places you never thought possible. It takes pelvic floor strength and control to have intense orgasms, but it’ll never happen if you are in a constant state of pelvic floor tension.
People will ask me if they can do Pilates at home. You won’t get the same results doing at-home work. You need the one-on-one or small group feedback to have a customized experience for YOU truly. You might see some results, but the best ones will come from in-person work. I do reformer pilates once a week and pilates fusion (mat) once a week. The cues I have learned leak into my weight training sessions, and I can confidently say that at 34 and 2 kids later- I have the best physique I’ve ever had.
To wrap it up, I want to cry thinking about how grateful I am that my husband stuck with me during my hormone shitstorm. He’s reaping benefits now 🙂
Take care of yourself, ladies. You don’t have to live in a world of dreading sex, a weak pelvic floor, peeing when you laugh, not having the core of your dreams, etc.